RAWC&A: My New Pink Button

June 9, 2011

It’s all about the genitals this week at Things I Thought. Specifically, female genitals.

I came across My New Pink Button through the Regretsy post about the product.

Never mind do the carpets match the curtains, now we have to worry about the baseboards as well.

This is the "Betty" package. It comes in different colors.

The product page reads

My New Pink Button ™ is a temporary dye to restore the youthful pink color back to your labia.

(Yes, labia.)

There is no other product like it.

(How odd.)

This patent pending formula was designed by a female certified Paramedical Esthetician after she discovered her own genital color loss.

(um…)

While looking online for a solution she discovered thousands of other women asking the same questions regarding their color loss. After countless searches revealing no solution available and a discussion with her own gynecologist she decided to create her own. Now there is a solution!

(Except now everyone knows she dyes)

As I see it, the biggest market for this is the old folks’ home. Splash a little MNPB on your old lady parts and Chester down the hall thinks you are the hot new nurse (unless of course he looks at your hair or face or any other part of you).

One thing the website doesn’t address: does My New Pink Button rub off on your Cuchini?


RAWC&A: The Cuchini

June 6, 2011

Please note: I’m not trying to be vulgar. Just stating the facts.

It’s that time again. I’ve found another ridiculous product for ladies: The Cuchini.

Can you guess where this is going?

The company’s website explains, “The Cuchini is a comfortable, light-weight material that adheres to any undergarment (panties, bikini, sports attire, etc).  It smoothes the ridges of a woman’s mons pubis area providing a smooth and camouflaged appearance. This eliminates what is commonly known as ‘Camel Toe.'”

To conceal the vaginette.

The site goes on, “Camel Toe might be hot… if you are a Guy!! But who wants to be the one sporting it? Some secrets are meant to be kept.” Hold on. Do guys really think camel toe is hot? If so, WHY?!? It’s so unappealing. And for any woman who has tried on too tight pants (i.e. pants that by some act of God with the help of Crisco you’ve managed to put on), it’s extremely uncomfortable. Clothes are supposed to hide anatomy not publicize it.

Next, what is “the secret meant to be kept?” Half of the population has vaginas and the other half wants to be around them. This is not top secret government intelligence.

If you’re still unconvinced you need to hide your “mons pubis area” (because Cuchini keeps it classy), they reason, “As the landing strip and Brazilian wax have become prominent in today’s world, there is no bush for the cush.” Too far, Cuchini, too far.

Like the makers of Cuchini, I’ve also come up with a simple solution to eliminate camel toe. Wear properly fitted clothing. The end.

*Ashley

P.S. Follow us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/ThingsWeThought. Or, read our tweets in “TIT BITs” located to your right. 🙂


Beth is gone fishin’

June 2, 2011

Loyal Readers,

I’m sorry to inform you that the lovely Beth Rodio is currently on vacation in Barbados with a man who propositioned her on whatsyourprice.com.

Beth and her suitor at the beach.

They are enjoying umbrella drinks on the beach while I remain in the Americas sharing my embarrassing, foolish moments with the world. She’ll be back next week.

*Ashley


10 Stupid Things I’ve Said or Done

May 30, 2011

Based on the success of our list posts here and here, we’ve decided to periodically feature top 10 lists to inspire and entertain you. For example, this TIT will inspire you not to be stupid and make you laugh at how stupid I am. Please note, although the list is numbered, I have not ranked my stupidisms in hierarchical order.

  1. “It’s called a labtop because it was created in a lab. Laptop doesn’t make sense.”
  2. “What color is the clear Sprite?”
  3. Science was not a strong subject for me. I consistently passed, but I never excelled. My teacher once asked the class, “when does fog occur?” He then chose a random student to call on. I am always the random student. My answer, “the morning.” Correct answer: summer.
  4. When I wrote “stupid” I actually spelled it “stuped” at first.
  5. “Do you remember that show Ghostwriter where there was that invisible thing that gave people clues?”  My friend replied, “You mean the ghost.”
  6. My younger sister had an ant invasion in her room. I created an alter-ego for myself called The Ant Warrior. I spoke in a manner similar to voice-overs in old time movies and dramatically massacred the ants. Sadly, this was only a few years ago.

    The Ant Warrior aka the most embarrassing, unattractive picture I will ever post.

  7. “They do have thong Spanx. They’re called Thanx.”
  8. I made up an entire worship complex in college. Our class was supposed to visit either a Buddhist or Hindu temple (I never went). Our instructor went around the room asking each individual student about his visit. I couldn’t stop lying and giving more ridiculous details. What…an idiot.
  9. “We can’t all be porn-star romance novelists.”
  10. Yesterday at Target, I saw a re-usable water bottle that read “Hydrate Responsibly.” I said, “This is so dumb. Who would hydrate irresponsibly and drink vodka all day instead of water?” Magnus responded, “I think they mean save the environment and reduce waste.”
*Ashley

…about acronyms

May 27, 2011

or

I had very little to say about acronyms so here is some brain excrement

When thinking about this topic my brain kept replacing “acronyms” with “anagrams.”

There is a big difference.

Anagrams are word puzzles in which you rearrange the letter of a word to spell other words. For example “dog “is famously “god” backwards (and vice versa). Equally famous is the anagram “robeth” for “bethro.”

But this post is about acronyms. Acronyms are the shortening of a phrase using the first letter of each word of that phrase. As Ashley pointed out Monday, the phrase “LOL” means “Laughing Out Loud” and is usually misused. If I were to try to describe the real meaning of “LOL” as it is commonly used, it might translate instead to “Oh, yeah? I have nothing interesting to say to that” and sometimes “end sentence.”

The acronyms I have encountered the most are those related to jobs. Corporate America is fond of insider acronyms that take the place of real communication. At a former employer – the one that united Ashley and me – a full sentence might be “Did you submit the JDE request for the ISBN so we can have the PSR in time for the PSR?”

How cool did that sound?

Not very, huh?

And that’s what I think of acronyms.

BABY


…about acronyms

May 23, 2011

In general, I LOVE acronyms. Systems, emotions and codes can all be expressed through a series of letters. It’s glorious, and I embrace it. Today, for example, I could succinctly sum up my morning in three letters: WTF. I tried to take a “short-cut” to work and ended up in a labyrinth of confusion. Impulsive actions never seem to work out for me. Throughout my rage ride, I frequently and loudly (inside my head) screamed, “WTF?!?!” It worked for me. I could channel my frustration without saying the swears. 🙂

I don't know what some of these mean.

While most acronyms delight me, I have a personal vendetta against “LOL.” People overuse and abuse it. It is the text message equivalent of “um.” I mostly dislike it because it has become a lie. You’re not really laughing out loud every time you type “lol.” Sample textual transmission:

Me: I’m so tired.

Other: Lol. Yeah, me too.

Me: What are you up to?

Other: I’m at work. lol.

Really? That made you laugh? Being tired is no joke, and work is not going to be funny when your boss realizes you’re goofing around and fires you.

“LOL” has snowballed into an epidemic. It inspired hybrid acronyms to form such as “ROTFLOL” and “LMAO.” First off, I don’t know any person who has ever rolled on the floor laughing out loud. Picture it. It’s scarier than it is humorous. A person rolling around laughing is probably foaming at the mouth and grunting or doing something equally grotesque. Secondly, if laughter could do what squats haven’t, I would literally laugh my ass off all the time. Alas, it is not so. (Sidebar – doesn’t LMAO kind of sound like an entrée you’d order at a Thai restaurant?)

“LOL” is like saying “I’m sorry” or “I love you.” Only use it when you mean it.

*Ashley


…about WhatsYourPrice.com

May 19, 2011

Bethro

Hot mama ready to baby you

I'll rock your world. (picture not representative-taken at month 7 of pregnancy)


31 Years Old from Inside the House
5’3″ curvy/rubinesque
Brown and gray hair, green eyes, dark circles

I’m looking for a sugar daddy who knows how to go to bed at 9 PM, not interrupt me when I am reading, and who enjoys repeatedly re-watching episodes of Futurama. Must like cats and accept that my cat gets first dibs on sleeping next to me.

I like an active night life. We will be getting up 2-3 times a night to get a baby back to sleep. Together. Holding hands. Probably not holding hands because don’t touch me when I might get five minutes of sleep more.

I’m not looking to play games. I’m just looking for a baby sitter.