RAWC&A: stretch bikini pants

(In case you’ve forgotten what RAWC&A stands for, click here.)

While working on this entry, my friend peered over my shoulder and asked, “Are those stripper pants?” I’ll ignore the implication that I look for stripper clothes and focus on the fact that, no, these are targeted to your average Jane.

I've decided this girl is named Oksana.

In case you want a close up, here it is:

Take note of the beautiful rhinestone design...and camel toe.

And from the back:

The very definition of muffin top.

There are sooooo many, many things wrong with this garment. I’ll start with the obvious. My eyes hurt. If you’re searching for clothing that makes it look like your thong is hanging out, these pants win. And haven’t we as a society accepted that the thong display is best left to cities with “no” in the name (ReNO, NOvato, FresNO) and teen pop singers trying to break free from their Disney images?

Moving on, white pants are notoriously unflattering. You essentially need to weigh -20 pounds of your healthy BMI to look halfway decent in them. Take Oksana. She probably tops out at 105, and yet in the last picture, her illusion of fat bulges out of the (for lack of a better word) cut-outs. Forget about eating, drinking or sitting in white pants. You will get dirty. Of course, if you’re in these specific white pants, you’re probably already dirty in some respect.

My final argument against these “stretch bikini pants” is that the whole point of a bikini is to show off your body. Adding pants to the mix negates the entire purpose.

These pants are not sexy, classy or desirable. So, I just have one question…why did this happen?!?



7 Responses to RAWC&A: stretch bikini pants

  1. Courtney says:

    Where do you even find this stuff? Not that I am going out to buy a pair.

  2. Jean says:

    I have 2 thoughts when I looks at these: 1) Pants should not require waxing before wearing them. 2) I think I’ve seen them on PeopleofWalmart.com

  3. bethro says:

    Poor Oksana. She looks like that girl in high school who dresses an acts like she is hot, but is not.

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