…about hygiene: body odor

We see (or smell) it every day: a sad sack who never got the personal hygiene memo. And thus, another series topic is born!

Word, Mr. Chicken.

I should start by saying that my sense of smell is OUT OF CONTROL. Literally. When a pungent odor infiltrates my nostrils, I dry heave uncontrollably. You can ask pretty much anyone who knows me well. I cough, choke on nothing and turn bright red. Between heaves, I gasp desperately for air in search of life sustaining oxygen. Essentially, I look like I’m being exorcised.

As such, I make sure to always smell fresh. However, I understand the dilemma Nastoids face. Luxury items like soap, water and deodorant are difficult to find. Who has the time cleanse commonly funktified areas such as armpits, feet and intimate zones? What’s the big deal if you never wash your work-out clothes? Who cares if people pass out when you walk by?

I FREAKING CARE! Body odor typically begins with sweat (a). Sweat contains bacteria (b). Mathematically speaking (a + b = c), this makes you one Dirty Germ (c). [Please do not vilify sweat. It is a natural, healthy bodily function. Perspiration should not be blamed for your lack of personal hygiene. You are the reason you stink.]

Bathe, use soap, wear antiperspirant, wash your clothes. You can do it! One last thing: Axe Body Spray (and the like) is not an alternative to a shower. Too much “fragrance” + body odor = Pervy Dirty Germ. Just saying.

Example: Pervy Dirty Germ. Please note puka shells. Grody.

*Ashley

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4 Responses to …about hygiene: body odor

  1. M M Min says:

    Here’s some free advice: don’t ever work in a public library–You would not survive.Public Libraries in the summer make the bikram yoga classes smell like roses.

  2. Courtney says:

    So gross. Unfortunately, I think you need to get this out to the masses. I doubt many of your readers have these issues. The axe body spray thing is so true though. I hate when people “mask” their stinkiness; it doesn’t work you just smell too much axe and the funk. EWWWWWW.

  3. bethro says:

    Funny, I also have an extreme sniffer.

    And a second Amen to the Axe message. Now you smell like you (gross) and that shit (also gross).

  4. bethG says:

    Unfortunamente, there are a few gov employees that could take a lesson, here. I have thoughts of leaving them anonymous care packages of Tide detergent, deodorant, and a bar of zest soap on their doorstep. sigh.

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