aka Common Sense Rules that Idiots Disregard
Rules about merging:
- Both the merger and mergee must look out for other drivers.
- This is not an opportunity for a game of Chicken.
Rules about honking:
- It will not make cars in traffic move faster. We are all stuck. Deal with it.
- Honking is appropriate when used as a scare tactic to get the bad driver to pay attention. It is not necessary to then chastise said driver, flip him off and play bumper cars.
- Before honking at a person stopped at a right turn lane, make sure there are no signs that say “No turn on Red.” Honking in that situation makes you the moron. Also, you should pay more attention to road signs and learn to read.
Rules about cars:
- Camries are usually involved in accidents, bad drivers and being annoying.
- If you are going through a mid-life crisis, be a little more creative than purchasing a sports car convertible.
- Country blasting from pick-up trucks, rap pounding from an Escalade, and The Wiggles emanating from mini-vans make stereotypes look bad.
- It’s never okay to throw your food out the window regardless of the speed limit or disgustingness of vehicle. The road is not a huge garbage can.
- If it’s a hot day, and my window is rolled down, don’t wash your windows. Your dirty windshield water will get on me. I don’t like it.
Rules about using turn signals
- They are not decorative; they serve a crucial purpose.
- Merging. It’s the courteous thing to do.
- Running into my car is not the way to inform me that you want to change lanes.
- Slowing down to 5 miles per hour and suddenly making a turn is dangerous.
- I have no way of knowing that you passed a parking spot to then abruptly stop and back into it. Further, do not give me annoyed looks when I’m too close to your car for you to finish your poorly executed plan.
Rules about what NOT to do while waiting at a red light:
- Applying make-up
- Picking your nose
- Plucking your eyebrows
- Taking a call
- Making a call
- Talking to the driver in the car next to you
- Talking to your passenger
- Yelling at your kids in the backseat
- Soliciting a prostitute
- Flipping off another driver
- Yelling profanities at a bicyclist
- Doing a Chinese fire drill
- Phlegming out the window
- Winking at me in the rear-view window
- Checking yourself out in the mirror
- Lighting a cigarette
- Picking up/dropping off passengers
If we all follow these common sense rules, the world will be a better place. Thank you.