My thoughts change drastically from day-to-day (and even hour to hour) regarding what I see in the mirror. After 26+ years of practice, I’ve gotten the process down to a science. After all, you can only stand so long in front of a mirror before it starts to be wildly narcissistic. First, check for any glaring issues: boogers, wedgies, spinach in teeth, etc. Once that’s done, I move on to my perceived flaws. Does my nose look crooked? Do I have muffin top? Are my eyes symmetrical? Does my face look smooth? Because I have a deviated septum, I constantly look to see if my nose has dripped and dried into a crusty powder on the rim of my right nostril. I’m paranoid that people will see this and label me a coke addict. I am not by the way.
To narrow things down, I’ll list the most common thoughts and when they occur:
When I first wake up in the morning, I always think that I look like a lion. I have a mass of wavy, out-of-control hair flowing around my head like some sort of gnarled mane. I have never growled like a lion, but now that I think of it, I might try that just to see what it feels like. Probably weird.
After I’ve painted on a new face with make-up and fixed my hair, I tend to look at myself and think, “I wish other people could look like me. I am jealous of myself.” Yes, I have actually thought that more than once, and yes, it’s totally disgusting. In some sort of cosmic revenge, I always see myself a few hours later after living it up and think, “AHHHHH! What happened?!?”
My thoughts change yet again after working out. During exercise, I sweat like a maniac. How does a maniac sweat? Profusely. My face is red, I’m out of breath and my hair has transformed from a simple ponytail into a strange worm pile on top of my head. I think one of two things in this situation. 1) I rocked it! Or 2) I hope I don’t run into anyone outside.